420 ftw
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
