At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
