Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Alive.
So much puke
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
