In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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