GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
honey bunches of taint.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
