I got chris browned last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
