Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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