omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
