I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
