as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
