The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize