the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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