Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
