Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
