The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
