She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
