I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
