I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
