What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
