I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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