Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
