I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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