...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
