how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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