so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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