I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
