I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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