At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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