Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
