I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
