he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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