its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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