I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
