When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
