when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
