just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
