I seem to have left my pride at pride
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
