but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
