I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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