she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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