Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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