On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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