yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
