I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
