you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do herpes really smell.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
