separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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