your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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