weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
