Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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