oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
