They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
