his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
