Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
