using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
