pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
