Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
