I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
