He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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