Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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