Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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