If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
