i think i have two assholes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
