Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
