hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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