I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize